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02-06-07 EUR ALL ON ONE PAGE
WILL LAWSUIT AGAINST BRANDY HOLD UP IN COURT?: Several problems have been discovered with the filing.
*After a bit of research, TMZ.com believes the $50 million civil lawsuit filed against Brandy for allegedly triggering a car crash has some issues that may lead to the case being tossed altogether.
The Web site reported Monday: “Awatef Aboudihaj was killed Dec. 30 after Brandy's vehicle rear-ended her on a Los Angeles freeway. Aboudihaj was married with two children. Under California law, only the husband, not the parents, can sue for wrongful death. …Aboudihaj's parents could file suit if they were financially dependent on her, but we're told that was not the case.”
TMZ also claims that Aboudihaj’s parents, who live in Morocco full-time, filed the lawsuit without consulting her husband beforehand.
Meanwhile, Aboudihaj's husband is being represented by Los Angeles attorney Bill Sayed, the Web site reports. Sayed tells TMZ he is currently investigating Brandy's net worth and says the matter “will be resolved by settlement or jury verdict.”
Sayed did not disclose the amount of money to be demanded, but said it will probably be a combination of Brandy's insurance policy limit – as well as additional money out of Brandy’s own pocket, TMZ reports.
FAMILY OF SLAIN BODYGUARD FED UP WITH BUSTA: Relatives of Israel Ramirez heated over rapper’s refusal to talk to police.
*The police aren’t the only ones frustrated by Busta Rhymes and his refusal to cooperate with the investigation into the shooting of his bodyguard, Israel Ramirez. According to the New York Daily News, Ramirez’s family is now completely through with the entertainer and has branded him a bold face liar.
"We really don't want anything to do with that man," Ramirez's sister, Sonia Rodriguez, 44, told the Daily News. "He could stop breathing tomorrow, and I wouldn't care. Whatever happens to Busta Rhymes is not going to bring back my brother."
The family’s ire is rooted in a phone call they say came from Busta months after Ramirez was gunned down on the Brooklyn set of the artist’s remix video for “Touch It.” According to the family, Busta was emotional and assured them that he was cooperating with police. However, it has been widely reported that Busta is a devotee of “no snitching” street justice and has kept his mouth shut around investigators thus far.
"He's not talking," a police source told the newspaper. "He doesn't want to lose money by getting the reputation for talking to cops, so a killer remains free."
Ramirez's family only found out the truth after seeing news reports - months after Rhymes made his earnest phone call last August - confirming that he had still not spoken to detectives.
HIP HOP’S ‘DOWN LOW’ IN NEW TELL ALL: Gay author details relationships with closeted film stars, rappers and music producers.
*Former MTV producer Terrance Dean has written a new memoir about his life as a gay, black man and his dating exploits within the entertainment industry.
“Hiding in Hip-Hop: Confessions of a Down Low Brother in the Entertainment Industry” – sold to Atria last week, according to Publishers Marketplace – is said to cover “the author's life as a closeted homosexual working in the film and music industry and his relationships with other closeted homosexuals—film stars, rap artists, and music producers.”
Unlike other recent industry tell-alls from Karrine Steffans and Carmen Bryan, Dean does not name names in his book, which Atria plans to release in 2008. However, a spokeswoman for the publisher said Dean’s descriptions of the closeted men will be quite obvious.
"Let's put it this way: You'll know who they are," she said, according to Radar.com. "It's a no-holds-barred look at Hollywood and hip-hop and who's living on the down-low."
HBO’S ‘PARTY’ EXPLORES L.A. GANGS: If you liked BET’s ‘American Gangster’
profiling Tookie; HBO’s ‘Bastards of the Party’ is a must see.
*Tonight marks the premiere of HBO’s original documentary “Bastards of the Party,” an eye-opening look at the rise and development of black street gangs in Los Angeles from the 1940s through the present day.
The film was co-produced and co-directed by Cle “Bone” Sloan, an “inactive” member of the Bloods gang who sought to explore the origins of the lifestyle – or “deathstyle” as it’s called by one of the gang members in the film.
Filmmaker Antoine Fuqua (“Training Day”) helped Bone to produce the film, which makes a point to show that black gangs in the 1950s and 60s – with such names as the Farmers, the Slauscons, the Businessmen and the Gladiators – banded together as a way to battle racial oppression, not each other. Gangs gradually began targeting rival gangs during the 1970s, the documentary shows.
“Bastards of the Party” premieres tonight at 10 p.m. on HBO. Below is a clip of the film that was posted on YouTube via HypeTV.com.
BEYONCE ACCUSED OF BEING CHEAP...AGAIN: This time, she reportedly made her dancers pay their own airfare from N.Y. to L.A.
*Another story of Beyonce trying to save a buck at the expense of her dancers has turned up in the New York Post.
Last week, the singer made headlines for allegedly paying her background folk far less than the union salary for their work on her music video, which she is funding from her own pocket.
This week, Page Six is reporting that the “Dreamgirls” star has asked her background dancers to pay for their own flights from New York to L.A. to begin rehearsing for upcoming tours and videos behind her current album, “B’Day.”
The column quotes a source as saying the struggling performers were asked to "work this week for a measly $400 per video." The insider also said that Beyoncé's dancers were too afraid to approach anyone in charge about the plane tickets, believing they’d miss out on the opportunity.
"They were told that they couldn't call their agents and that if they didn't agree, they would not be hired," according to the source.
‘OZ’ ACTOR CHARGED WITH NEGLIGENT HOMICIDE: Granville Adams accused of pushing man down elevator shaft to his death.
*Actor Granville Adams, best known for his role as Zahir Arif on HBO’s “Oz,” was arrested early Sunday in New York and charged with criminally negligent homicide in the death of a man who fell down an elevator shaft.
According to investigators, Adams had been fighting with victim Orlando Valle of the Bronx early Saturday morning at the Chelsea nightclub BED New York. Adams, 43, allegedly pushed Valle against sixth-floor elevator doors, which opened, causing Valle to fall into the shaft, police said.
Valle plummeted four floors before landing on top of the elevator car at the second floor of the converted warehouse space, police said.
Valle, 35, was rushed to a nearby hospital where he was pronounced dead.
Valle's younger sister, Luz, tells the Associated Press that relatives and friends who had been at the club said he was attempting to calm a dispute, but instead became involved himself.
During Adams’ arraignment in Manhattan Criminal Court, his lawyer Edward Kratt argued that the elevator was faulty and solely responsible for Valle’s death. He also said that Adams was only acting in self defense.
According to their account reported by the New York Daily News, Adams was hosting an event at the nightclub when he was attacked with a glass object on the back of the head. He then felt someone climb on his back, whom he threw off. That person turned out to be Valle.
According to Kratt, Adams didn't "push" Valle into the elevator doors -- yet Valle hit the doors so hard that they opened and he fell into the empty shaft, causing, as the complaint reads, "a fractured back, pelvis, and skull."
The elevator had passed all necessary inspections in June 2006, said Kate Lindquist, a spokeswoman for the Buildings Department.
EUR FILM REVIEW: An Unreasonable Man
Bio-Pic Chronicles Checkered Career of Consumer Rights Crusader Ralph Nader
Film Review by Kam Williams
*In 1966, Ralph Nader caused quite a stir with the publication of Unsafe at Any Speed, a study which indicted the automobile industry for suppressing evidence of design defects in some of its vehicles, including the Chevy Corsair. By resorting to unscrupulous methods to discredit the resolute Arab-American attorney, General Motors turned him into a cult hero while
only embarrassing itself.
But the Princeton and Harvard-educated Nader successfully sued GM for invasion of privacy, and parlayed that publicity into a remarkable career as a crusader for consumer rights. And his efforts inspired a whole generation of anti-establishment attorneys to embark on legal careers dedicated to the public interest. Known as Nader's Raiders, these intrepid zealots would uncover governmental and corporate corruption wherever they could find it.
Had Ralph simply retired rather than enter the 2000 presidential race as a third-party candidate, he probably would have left behind a beloved legacy as a friend of the common man. Unfortunately, he left public life a much reviled social pariah, as many came to blame him for Gore's narrow loss, since they see Nader as having siphoned off critical votes which would have provided a slim margin of victory for the Democratic candidate.
All of the above is the subject of An Unreasonable Man, a warts-and-all documentary directed by Henriette Mantel and Steve Skrovan. Fortunately, the film employs an even-handed approach, starting out adoring but ending up bitterly critical during this unflinching look at the rise and fall of one of the most influential figures of our times.
Besides archival film footage, this palatable production features reflections from many Nader friends and foes alike, including Pat Buchanan, Howard Zinn, Lawrence O'Donnell and Carl Mayer, to name a few. The picture is at its best when showing a young Nader testifying before Congress, unafraid to speak truth to power, knowing full well what was happening to rabble-rousers like him back in the days of the FBI's Cointelpro program.
Excellent (3.5 stars)
Unrated
Running time: 122 minutes
Studio: IFC First Take
WEST AFRICAN ‘IDOL’ HOLDS AUDITIONS: First ever tryouts in region draws students, unemployed and war refugees.
*The “Idol” TV franchise that began in Britain six years ago under the name “Pop Idol,” has spread like wildfire throughout the world and is now heating up virgin territory in the motherland.
Auditions for “Idols West Africa,” which took place in January in Nigeria and Ghana, drew everyone from students and housewives, to the unemployed and war refugees, reports Variety. The competition will begin broadcasting to sub-Saharan African viewers through Multichoice's DStv satellite service Sunday nights beginning Feb. 18.
"Wherever you go in West Africa, there are songs in the air, voices in harmony, a radio humming, a rhythm being celebrated. That's what 'Idols'
is about," says Joseph Hundah, M-Net operations director for Sub-Saharan Africa. "With West Africa offering large television audiences to M-Net, it's fitting that we create an 'Idols' here."
During the first round of auditions, hopefuls were allowed to perform a wide range of music styles from traditional to modern, but contestants chosen to go to the region’s version of “Hollywood” (a.k.a. – the next
round) must be able to sing pop, African and Western music, including English-language songs.
Residents from Benin, Burkina Faso, Cape Verde, Ivory Coast, Gambia, Ghana, Guinea, Guinea-Bissau, Liberia, Mali, Mauritania, Niger, Nigeria, Saint Helena, Senegal, Sierra Leone and Togo between the ages of 18 and 30 were eligible to enter.
The West African counterparts to judges Randy, Paula and Simon are Nigerian musician Dede Mabiaku, Ghanaian singer Abrewa Nana and the American-born, Lagos radio DJ Dan Foster. The show is hosted by Nigerian TV personality and entertainer Mike Magic.
MIJAC’S CHILDREN DO VEGAS: Plus singer’s rep clears up recent rumors about Joe Jackson and Raymone Bain.
*Michael Jackson’s kids have been spotted out and about in Las Vegas, where the singer has reportedly settled down since moving back to the United States.
According to the San Francisco Chronicle’s SFGate.com, Prince Michael, Paris and Prince Michael II (a.k.a. Blanket) were seen playing on the rides at the Circus Circus Hotel and Casino’s Adventuredome Theme Park.
Jackson was not seen with the kids, but the nannies were in attendance and kept close watch. The kids were reportedly allowed to frolic without their usual disguises of veils and masks to shield their faces.
In other Jackson news, a company representing the entertainer has struck back against recent reports claiming that his boss bottom nanny, Grace Rwaramba, had barred Papa Joe from seeing Michael at his Las Vegas home.
In a letter written to Fox411’s Roger Friedman, who first reported the story in his column last week, Venable LLP denies that Rwaramba has forbidden Joe Jackson from entering the home. Venable also denies that Jackson was “kicked out” of Bahrain, and that the singer is currently living in a Vegas house owned by the Sultan of Brunei, as Friedman had written in his article.
The letter goes on to deny Friedman’s statement that the employment of Jackson’s general manager, Raymone Bain, is in any jeopardy.
‘IDOL’ VET KIMBERLEY LOCKE PREPS NEW LP: Singer to debut new video on Americanidol.com.
*Tomorrow (Feb. 7), “American Idol” star Kimberley Locke will debut the music video for new single “Change” on the Web site AmericanIdol.com.
The track is from Locke's forthcoming sophomore album, "Based On A True Story," due later this spring on Curb Records. Since its release three weeks ago, the song has reached No. 23 on the Billboard AC chart.
In the meantime, the singer continues to be a spokesperson for Jenny Craig and is currently shooting "Celebrity Fit Club 5" for VH1, which will begin airing later this spring.
Americanidol.com (http://www.americanidol.com) also features MyIdol, where fans can create their own "Idol" profile and share blogs, personal photos and play games as they connect with contestants and fellow fans.
EUR DVD REVIEW: Heading South (Vers le Sud)
Romance Drama with Jungle Fever Theme Available on DVD
DVD Review by Kam Williams
*55-year old Ellen (Charlotte Rampling) teaches literature at Wellesley, while Sue (Louise Portal) is a successful businesswoman from Canada, and 48 year-old Brenda (Karen Young), a recently-divorced housewife from Georgia.
The only reason these formerly-frustrated females' paths cross is because they happen to be staying at the same hotel in Haiti, a spinster's sexual utopia where post-menopausal white women vacation in order to indulge their every carnal fantasy with young black men less than a third their age.
In fact, Brenda, who now describes herself as a "bitch in heat," openly admits to having her first orgasm ever on the beach there with a 15 year-old boy-toy. Never pausing to question the ethics of exploiting black skin in this fashion, these hedonists approach the country's impoverished inhabitants as if a commodity available on a quid pro quo basis. Invariably, the relationships sprouting up all around the spa are between wealthy white women offering money, maternalism and a temporary upper-class status, and handsome, eager-to-please natives.
This is the premise underpinning Heading South, a most thought-provoking drama set in the late Seventies against the backdrop of the instability of the regime of Baby Doc Duvalier. This fascinating flick manages to use physical desire as a metaphor, placing intimate relationships under an emotional magnifying glass to examine the prevailing political and social problems then plaguing Haiti. In addition, the picture represents a rare exploration of pleasure purely from an older woman's point-of-view.
Meanwhile, as they remain oblivious of the civil unrest simmering just on the other side of their gated resort, it is only a matter of time before the fallout of colonialism finally comes to contaminate even their erotically-charged oasis. An island paradise morphs into a frightening nightmare, but not before Ellen, Brenda and Sue get their grooves back.
Excellent (4 stars)
Unrated
In French and English with subtitles.
Running time: 105 minutes
Studio: Genius Productions
FILM/TV BITS: Shonda’s Smoke House; Vivica’s loose wig; Barbara McNair dies; ‘Happyness’ DVD.
*MSNBC’s Janet Charlton is reporting that ABC is looking to purchase a medium-sized house near the set of “Grey’s Anatomy” for its creator, Shonda Rhimes. “The house is for Shonda - not to live in, but to write in,”
writes Charlton in her column. “It seems she loves to SMOKE and it's against the law for her to smoke at the studio around other writers. So they're getting her a private house where she can write those brilliant scripts and smoke all she wants.”
*Vivica A. Fox’s wig fell off while she was in Miami Friday morning for Super Bowl parties, according to the New York Post’s Page Six. A witness says he saw a “fuzzy thing” fall to the ground as the actress was walking from her car to the Raleigh Hotel at around 2:30 a.m. The witness said he then caught a glimpse of Fox, who “looked strange - she had really, really short, weird hair." Fox reportedly picked up her wig, placed it back on her head and held it in place as she scampered into the hotel. "I forgot - I took my pins out already!" she reportedly said en route.
*Actress-singer Barbara McNair, who starred in such films as “They Call Me Mister Tibbs" opposite Sydney Poitier and “Change of Habit” with Elvis Presley, died Sunday in Los Angeles after a battle with throat cancer.
She was 72. McNair’s film debut was the 1968 film, "If He Hollers, Let Him Go." She later turned to the small screen and hosted "The Barbara McNair Show," a musical and comedy program in the late 1960s and early 1970s. As a singer, one of her biggest hits was "You Could Never Love Him."
*It’s good news and bad news for Tracy Morgan and DL Hughley. Their respective NBC shows, “30 Rock” and “Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip,” have not been cancelled, but the network will yank them from the schedule next month to make room for two new programs, “Andy Barker, P.I.” and “The Black Donnellys.” The latter will take over “Studio 60’s” Monday 10 p.m. slot beginning March 5th. “Barker” will move into “30 Rock’s” vacated Thursday 9:30 p.m. space following “Scrubs” starting March 15. NBC promised to bring back “Rock” on April 19. But the Peacock has yet to announce a return date for “Studio 60.”
*”The Pursuit of Happyness,” starring Will Smith in an Academy Award-nominated performance, will arrive on DVD and Blu-ray Disc on March 27 from Sony Pictures Home Entertainment. Both discs will include featurettes “Father and Son: On Screen and Off,” a look at Will Smith and his real life son and co-star Jaden Smith; “The Man Behind the Movie: A Conversation with Chris Gardner,” the man who’s life story inspired the film; Making Pursuit:
An Italian Take on the American Dream; Inside Rubik’s Cube; an audio commentary with director Gabriele Muccino; and “I Can” song.
MUSIC BITS: LL to host Image Awards; Vista repels iTunes; Justin Timber-baked.
*Rapper-actor LL Cool J has been chosen by the NAACP to host its annual Image Awards, to be held in Los Angeles on March 2 from 8 to 10 p.m.
and broadcast live on Fox. “We are pleased and honored to have LL Cool J host our first live telecast,” said executive producer Vicangelo Bulluck.
“His humor, intelligence and incredible talent will make the awards an exciting evening to remember.” NAACP Image Award Honorees include Bono, Bill Cosby and Soledad O’Brien.
*iTunes users beware of Microsoft’s new Windows Vista. Apple Inc. says to hold off upgrading your computer to the new operating system because it may not work well with iTunes music software. In a statement, Apple said iTunes may work with many Vista computers, but the company knows of some compatibility problems and recommends that users wait until it resolves the issues with an iTunes update in the next few weeks.
*Nearly four years after Justin Timberlake was famously “Punk’d” to the verge of tears on the MTV show’s premiere, the performer says his glossed-over eyes were not due to a fear of having his personal belonging seized by the Feds. Timberlake says he had just finished smoking some weed and was high as a kite. “Yeah, that was a trippy experience. That was why I was completely glassy-eyed,” he says in the new issue of Entertainment Weekly. “As a matter of fact, I was like, OK, I got to stop doing this. I don't do that anymore."
SUPER BOWL HANGOVER: Dungy shoots ‘Disney World’ spot; Dave & Oprah’s secret love promo; TV ratings.
*Somewhere in the throng of madness immediately following the end of Super Bowl XLI, head coach Tony Dungy and running back Dominic Rhodes of the victorious Indianapolis Colts found each other and shot a commercial for Disney World. Right after the Colts' 29-17 victory over the Chicago Bears at Miami's Dolphin Stadium, the pair looked into Disney’s cameras and shouted the famous line, “We’re going to Disney World!” Dungy became the first African American head coach to hoist the Vince Lombardi Trophy as Super Bowl champion, while Rhodes rushed for a game-leading 113 yards and a second quarter touchdown that put the Colts ahead for good.
*It only lasted 10 seconds, but it was by far one of the most memorable moments during the array of commercials that premiered Sunday night during the Super Bowl. The clip featured David Letterman in a promo for his “Late Show” program. Dressed in the Colts uniform of his native Indianapolis, he was shown watching the game and stating with a mouthful of snack food, “You want the Bears and I want the Colts, but we both win because we're in love.” The camera pulls back to reveal Oprah Winfrey snuggled in his arms, wearing the orange and blue Bears jersey of the city where her daytime talk show is taped. Winfrey then turns to him and says, "Honey, don't talk with your mouth full," with Letterman responding, "Oh, sorry." The spot was secretly taped Wednesday, Jan. 24 at the Ed Sullivan Theater in New York, and marks the first time Letterman and Winfrey have appeared together since her visit to the Late Show on Dec. 1, 2005. That interview, following months of buildup from Letterman, was the fourth most watched episode of the “Late Show” ever.
*The Nielsen numbers are in and Sunday’s game was the second most-watch Super Bowl in history, drawing an estimated 93.2 million viewers.
Only the 1996 Super Bowl between Dallas and Pittsburgh, which had 94.1 million viewers, had a bigger audience, according to Nielsen Media Research.
The majority of Sunday’s Super Bowl viewers switched away to avoid “Criminal Minds,” which occupied the plush spot following the game. The CBS drama co-starring Shemar Moore was seen by 26.2 million viewers, which is its biggest audience to date, but it pales in comparison to the 38.1 million people who stuck around to watch “Grey’s Anatomy” after ABC's telecast of the big game last year.
EVENT CALENDAR: NARAS’ Urban Alternative; Katt Williams in NYC; off-Broadway’s ‘Blind Lemon Blues;’ Allee Willis’ "Sound Of Soul."
*As the National Academy of Recording Arts & Sciences (NARAS) ramps up to celebrate the accomplishments of its Grammy nominees – Urban Alternative artists and the SESAC are joining forces to celebrate their own community tomorrow (Feb. 7) at Zanzibar in Santa Monica (1301 5th Street) at The Urban Alternative Mixer - as well as to recognize Black AIDS Awareness Day. The evening will feature live performances by hip hop/ jazz outfit Supa Lowery Bros. and soul singer Anthony David, along with poets Deep Red and National Poetry Slam champ Sekou (tha Misfit). KPFK DJ Kristi Lomax and international DJ/vocalist Vikter Duplaix will provide the beats. The donation is $10, with a portion of the proceeds going to the Black AIDS Institute. Doors open at 9 p.m.
*On Saturday, March 10, comedian Katt Williams will perform in New York City at the Radio City Music Hall (1260 Ave. of the Americas). Other comics on the bill include Melanie Comarcho, Luenell and Red Grant. Doors open at 7 p.m. and the show begins at 8. Tickets are available at www.radiocity.com or www.ticketmaster.com.
*The York Theatre Company and Documentary Arts in association with Central Track Productions will present the Off-Broadway premiere of Blind Lemon Blues, created by Alan Govenar and Akin Babatunde featuring more than 60 Blind Lemon Jefferson songs. Performances begin Feb. 15 and continue through Feb. 25 at The York Theatre at St. Peter’s (54th Street, between Lexington and Third Avenues). Tickets are $35 and can be purchased by calling The York Theatre Box Office at 212-935-5820 or online at www.yorktheatre.org.
*Multimedia artist and Grammy-winning composer Allee Willis will host the "Sound Of Soul" Adopt-A-Tape party, a special benefit for the Pacifica Radio Archive's Black History Recordings Preservation and Access Project, to be held Sunday, Feb. 18 from 2-6 p.m. The fundraiser is the first ever to spotlight programming from Pacifica's vaults specifically chronicling African-American history and the civil rights movement. The event takes place at "Willis Wonderland," Allee Willis' architecturally historic, William Kesling-designed 1937 Streamline Moderne Los Angeles home, which houses her world-famous collections. Tickets are $50/person and $75/couple.
For more information on Pacifica Radio Archives, log on to www.pacificaradioarchives.org. For more information on Allee Willis, visit www.alleewillis.com and www.bubblesandcheesecake.com.
STEVEN IVORY: The Right Shoe
Stacy was a vision of fabulosity. Whether dressed up or down, the woman had inimitable style and imagination.
Her shoes, however, were another matter.
They were always great shoes. Sleek, cute, sexy. Not cheap. But being a lifelong foot man, I could see that Stacy's feet--stuffed into too-tight pumps one day, hanging off the front, back or sides of a beautiful sandal of irreconcilable design the next--were miserable.
Watching her poorly camouflaged pained walk made me consider humankind's connection to its shoes as metaphor for our lives. Maybe Stacy's volatile relationship with her shoes suggested more was hurting than just her feet.
Our association with shoes, after all, begins with our parents. Our guardians are responsible for both the early development of our emotional well-being and what we put on our feet. Why wouldn't the choice and condition of shoes we wear be an indication of our emotional DNA?
I remember my childhood ritual of new shoes. With Mama looking on, the salesman would measure my feet, disappear into the back room and return with two or three boxes. Names like Stride Rite and Buster Brown come to mind. New shoes weren't an event.
Yet I also recall an entire bitter Oklahoma winter of walking to Douglass High and back in black loafers with holes in the soles. It would take the entire school day for my socks to dry in my shoes--just in time for me to walk back home.
Instinctively my body retaliated, slowly forming callouses on the balls of my feet. My spirit developed a few callouses, to a child truly loved and looked after can still suffer the muted neglect that manifests itself in worn old shoes.
I don't think my parents were purposely slow about getting me new shoes. But what does it say that I was afraid to tell them I needed new ones? Or that I didn't investigate the concept of an after-school job and buy my own shoes?
When I first interviewed entertainer Barry White, in 1974, he mentioned growing up so poor that he used to end his prayers with, "...And God, please don't let my feet grow anymore this year."
I chuckled when he said this, maybe because, sitting in his spacious Sunset Blvd. office, obsessively decorated in baby blue and overlooking Hollywood, we seemed a million miles away from the straitened circumstances of White's South Central L.A. youth.
However, in retrospect, apparently something was going on in The Maestro's life that a closet full of good shoes could not soothe; something the physically formidable White, who constantly struggled with his weight, attempted to sate with food.
Maybe I laughed at what White said precisely because I didn't find anything funny about it at all.
In any case, I believe putting our feet into the wrong shoe is just another tiny way we punish and renounce ourselves.
Ever seen someone in too-tight shoes? How does delusion win over physical pain? Or over the reality that we have stuffed ourselves into the wrong job or the wrong relationship?
This is no way to walk through life, no matter the shoe.
Of course, you might wear great shoes but smoke a pack of cigarettes a day. Everyone's doo-doo owns its unique revelation.
For years now, I've been in charge of my own shoes. Good shoes. My favorite, however, isn't a shoe at all, but black Jack Purcells. I'm wondering if certain callouses ever fade.
Stacy might know. The last time I saw her, almost a year ago, her life had taken a dramatic sway.
She had an exciting new VP position. Mended fences with her stepfather. Most important, Stacy found the courage to walk out of a 13 year marriage of convenience. She'd gained about five firm pounds that looked damn good on her womanly frame.
And wouldn't you know it, Stacy's got a new walk. I witnessed it as she moved across the Coffee Bean parking lot. It was the kind of comfortable, assured stride that comes with finally being brave enough to slide your precious dogs into slippers that fit.
Steven Ivory's book, FOOL IN LOVE (Touchstone/Simon & Schuster) is in stores now or at Amazon.com (www.Amazon.com) Respond to him via STEVRIVORY@AOL.COM or MYfeedback@eurweb.com
ASK ADVICE CHICK: Answers to YOUR Dating, Sex, Life, & Love Questions!
© - AdviceChick@ameritech.net
Dear Advice Chick,
*I met this guy on an online dating site and we did a lot of Q&A stuff about our goals, life, etc. and seemed to get along well. We then exchanged nice emails where he was really chatty and complimentary. Next we moved to instant messaging each other and that was great, except when he was busy working and I was fine with that. We met and seemed to get along well and on our second date--it ended up being 12 hours long...we had a lot of fun hanging out with friends, singing karaoke until the sun rose and then toward the end of our night we ended up kissing and then having great sex, which he initiated. The next morning was ok, we had breakfast and then I had to go. After this he has been in touch, but only to say hi, then he had to go--was busy. He declined some opportunities to meet up.
When we ran into each other a week later at a bar; it was nice to see each other but it felt awkward (esp since he said he was too busy to go out). I said something about the awkwardness after we spent a few hours just talking and hanging out. He said he felt awkward too, because he was afraid I might feel that there was a relationship now that we had slept together. I said that was making assumptions. He said we barely know each other. I asked him if he wanted to keep getting to know each other or not and he said he did want to
keep getting to know each other. He hugged me and said that he was
glad we talked about this. He asked if I felt better, and I said I guess so. Then I left the bar. I called him 30 mins later to apologize for bringing up the topic in public and I got voicemail. I also emailed him the next day a short friendly email to show I was still the same fun person he was getting to know. No response yet from him but he is out of town for a week on a work project.
What do you think? Is there hope?
Advice Chick replies,
Keep getting to know each other? He no longer needs to get to know you. He already knows you’re a female that fuxxs on the second date. He said that because he didn’t want you to create a scene at the club. He was happy as hell when you finally left the club. When you called a few mins later to apologize, he reached for his phone (they’re usually on vibrate when in a club), saw YOUR number, and pressed IGNORE so fast and hard that he almost broke his finger.
He may be out of town, but the odds are he has access to the Internet and his email. Oh! You’re no longer the fun person he was getting to know; you’re now some chick that got the dyck.
Yes, there is hope. There’s “hope” that you learned something from this and possibly previous encounters; stop getting physical so fast. Also, learn how to value your time. Date number two was twelve hours? That’s an awful long date, ma. Initially this guy might have been interested in “you.” As the date went on (and on, and on) he realized you didn’t appear to have sense enough to end the date. We don’t always have to wait for the guy to end the date, ya know. We also don’t have to agree to a sexual liaison just because he initiates it. Ever heard of saying no?
-----> Ladies, please listen. Notice the signs. Listen to your intuition. When you’re with a guy B.S. (that’s BEFORE Sex) everything is good. He calls all of the time. He responds to your emails almost instantly, he is available and is interested. Usually A.S.T.S. (AFTER sex too soon) he doesn’t (or rarely calls), ignores your emails, and isn’t available or interested. <-----
When you saw him in the club he said, “We barely know each other.” That was a true statement; however, I bet he wasn’t saying that when he was talking you out of your thong, was he? If it’s too early for a relationship, it’s too early for sex.
à Send YOUR questions to Advice Chick right NOW! Please put “Dear Advice Chick” in the subject line so your email isn’t deleted as spam. Thanks! advicechick@ameritech.net.
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Ask Advice Chick about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING related to dating, sex, love, and life! She is THE resident dating expert at EURweb.com, and calls on over 11 years of dating and relationship industry experience.
The Bridge: Who’s Your Daddy, Part 5
When Welfare Replaces Daddy
By Darryl James
*If we are truly concerned about the future of our children, then we would focus on the benefits, not the costs of amending the Welfare system, because as study after study has shown, our children are doing worse with fewer fathers in the home.
An early study from the Journal of Genetic Psychology found that the differences in development between children were connected more to the amount of interaction with the father as opposed to the socio-economic status of either parent or even the number of adults in the household.
Current studies prove that children without fathers in the home are more prone to an assortment of difficulties.
Yet, society focuses on jailing fathers who do not pay, which has not proven to make them pay or make them show up.
The problem is not that fathers just want to have children and walk away, as we have been told. The problem is that Welfare, in many ways, supplants the father, and in other ways, the courts simply ignore or impede fathers who desire to be present.
Earlier in this series, I highlighted that nearly 40 percent of unwed mothers are living with a man and are already mothers to one or more additional children., but the “income-tested” Welfare System creates blockages to marriage.
Governmental assistance programs often root out males who may be dating single mothers prior to deciding to marry and attempt to assign financial responsibility to them, often resulting in a breakup.
For example, if a mother who is living with her boyfriend applies for benefits as a single head of household, she will have support from the system, while her mate ostensibly will have his own income, even if it’s minimum wage.
But if the two do decide to marry, the system will immediately count the man’s income against the woman’s Welfare eligibility, reducing or ending her benefits.
What this means, as dramatized in the ‘seventies movie Claudine, is that benefits are maximized when a single mother remains single, and slashed if she marries. The two incomes represented by the man’s income and Welfare benefits, are reduced to solely the man’s income—a huge burden delivered with no preparation.
In this manner, the Welfare System forces impoverished couples to choose to remain unmarried over combining incomes in a marriage. While the popular concept of single Black mothers is of Welfare Queens, that concept is neither based on truth or intelligence. Welfare benefits are scarcely enough for a family to survive on and most of the Welfare fraud is actually committed by white women.
Welfare case workers will even deduct gifts from a man from the amount of monthly assistance provided to the single mother.
What must be stated and underscored is that these solutions are designed to create financial responsibility, not to place fathers in the lives of children.
And, in reality, there is no huge single parent Welfare drain on the economy. Total Welfare program costs in the United States are just over $400 billion per year, which is only FIVE PER CENT of the Gross Domestic Product. And only half of this goes to households with children.
But, even as our retarded president seeks more billions for a failing war effort overseas, many stupid ass Americans fly into a rage over the possibility of Welfare’s five percent of the GDP growing to a whopping six percent.
The total arrearages in child support is just under $100 billion dollars, while the cost of the Iraq War will be over $1 trillion by the time things are all said and done.
If we acknowledge the fact that 70 percent of men in arrears earn less than $10,000 annually, then forcing a single woman off of Welfare benefits if she marries, tacitly creates fewer marriages and more single parent households. It also makes for less fathers in the lives of children, when the man is pursued for repayment of Welfare benefits.
Can the Welfare and Child Support System be revamped to make more fathers present in the lives of more children?
The easy answer is yes.
First, since the focus on making him pay has failed (arrears have actually risen despite arrests), more efforts to make him present should be pursued, which will benefit everyone.
Instead of continuing to penalize parents, society would fare better to actually reward couples who marry and combine incomes while improving their standing.
For example, instead of slashing Welfare benefits when a man is in the home, the system would be pragmatic to provide assistance for education or the acquisition of trades, in addition to time-limited extension of daycare support and transportation costs for both parents.
The net result will be fewer families languishing in poverty and on Welfare.
Additionally, a single father who is present in the home and taking full advantage of those incentives should also have his debt to the Welfare system reduced substantially. Largely, impoverished men are being jailed and their licenses are being revoked for being unable to reimburse the Welfare system, not for refusing to pay into a single mother headed household.
A great many fathers hit the road when facing a loss of license and/or jail.
If we wish to have more fathers in the lives of children, then we must stop viewing them as responsible for repaying the government. If a single mother’s benefits were to be unaffected by marriage, particularly to an already impoverished father, no one would have to make choices between marriage and Welfare benefits.
The net benefit here would be mostly for single Welfare mothers and the low-wage earning, fathers with low or no skills, who are the overwhelming majority of so-called “Deadbeat Dads.” Both groups are also among those for whom marriage is most elusive.
Funny, but with all the current hoopla over same sex marriages, there are no huge outreach programs by either church or state to urge single parents to set marriage as a goal to better the lives of their children.
Political and social leaders would do their communities justice by providing the positive message that marriage will improve the lives of all involved, as opposed to the negative message that fathers desire to be absent, which has generally been proven to be a lie.
And, both church and state must stop delivering confusing messages about sex, while allowing the media and entertainment to deliver sex and sexuality. The battle is against sex education in the schools, with little other education suggested. We know that people will learn from somewhere, so the decision is whether they will learn in the schools or in the streets. Some adults have yet to learn.
Finally, the Welfare System must stop competing with fathers as the breadwinner in the lives of single mothers and children.
The bottom line to all of this is that single fathers, especially single Black fathers, have gotten a bad rap. Most of the negative views are based on mythology and personal biases, not fact.
The sad reality is that even though I have presented research and statistics in this series, many ignorant people have still responded with their same old, tired stereotypes, ignoring everything except their silly misconceptions, which they have allowed to pose as truth. Damn them all to hell.
If we truly desire to improve the lot of those at the bottom, then those above had better be about the business of creating pragmatic solutions.
We can continue to chase after men who have little money, and we can continue to crow about how fathers “just need to pay,” but at the end of the day, that campaign has failed.
Perhaps it’s time for something new.
Darryl James is an award-winning author of three books who is now a filmmaker. His first mini-movie, “Crack,” was released in March of 2006. He is currently filming a full-length documentary. James’ latest book, “Bridging The Black Gender Gap,” is the basis of his lectures and seminars. Previous installments of this column can now be viewed at www.bridgecolumn.com. James can be reached at djames@theblackgendergap.com.
THE JOURNAL OF STEFFANIE RIVERS
Just Say No
*Our 28-day chocolate fast is gaining momentum. Since last week's column was posted I've gotten emails of support from readers from the east coast to the west. Thank you for spreading the word. It seems the only people who are slow to respond are the management of M&M/Mars, Inc.
Our chocolate fast started Feb. 1st. It's our way of letting M&M/Mars company management know we disagree with their refusal to join a fair trade cocoa cooperative. Joining a cooperative would guarantee a minimum price to farmers for their cocoa. In turn that money would allow farmers to pay farm workers, instead of using child labor as their primary workforce.
Some chocolate industry leaders contend that abusive child labor practices are a cultural norm in West Africa. Anyone who thinks any group of people - especially children - deserves less than what you or I would demand for ourselves doesn't deserve our support. Also, people who are willing to overlook such atrocities might need to re-evaluate it's administration. That's why I've requested information about the diversity of it's management team.
For every dollar we spend on chocolate, huge companies like M&M/Mars get seventy cents of that dollar while cocoa farmers get only five cents. For cocoa farmers, that adds up to an average of $70 a year per family member. For the three owners of M&M/Mars their portion adds up to a net worth of more than ten billion dollars each. The Mars family also owns Masterfoods USA, the parent company of Uncle Ben's Rice and Pedigree pet foods to name a few.
Valentine's Day is the most popular day of the year for chocolate sales and consumption. School-age children, like those being exploited, eat most of the chocolate consumed by Americans. That's why we've chosen this month for our 28-day chocolate fast. If you plan to join us for the silent protest outside of M&M/Mars headquarters Tuesday, Feb. 13th, email me for the latest information. Continue to email your protest letters to consumer.affairs@mmmars.com and askmms@mmmars.com and tell ten friends to do the same.
Applied knowledge is power and word of mouth is the best kind of advertising.
Steffanie Rivers is a free-lance journalist in the Washington, DC metro area. Send your questions or comments to teamtcbadvertising@hotmail.com.
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