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10-30-07 EUR ALL ON ONE PAGE
OPRAH BEGS ACADEMY PARENTS FOR FORGIVENESS: Talk show host back in S.A. to apologize for alleged sexual abuse at her school.
*Oprah Winfrey was in South Africa again Sunday to meet with parents of the students at her all-girls academy and beg for their forgiveness in the wake of sexual abuse allegations at the school.
"I've disappointed you. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry," the talk show host reportedly told families during the emergency meeting at the Oprah Winfrey Leadership Academy for Girls in Henley-on-Klip, south of Johannesburg.
A "dorm parent" has been accused of sexually fondling one of the students. Other pupils say they were physically abused by the woman. Another student said the matron grabbed her by the throat and threw her against a wall. There are also allegations that the authority figure swore and screamed at them.
The alleged incidents were exposed when one of the students ran away from the school because the reported abuse had become too much to bear.
South African police and the Family Violence, Child Protection and Sexual Offenses Unit have opened an investigation.
Winfrey canceled appointments and flew to South Africa twice in the past few weeks to meet with parents and check in on the investigation. In addition to the matron suspected of being involved, Winfrey also placed the principal and at least one other matron on leave two weeks ago, reportedly for failing to notify authorities of girls' complaints sooner. Only the principal was on paid leave, according to a South African newspaper.
The TV host, who has spoken openly about being abused as a child, gave the students her personal telephone number, e-mail address and her postal address so that they could contact her at any time, day or night.
KANYE WEST TO SHARE 'KANYE-ISMS' IN NEW BOOK: Rapper's literary debut due in early 2008
*On the heels of 50 Cent's new scrapbook-like publication arriving in stores, his music rival Kanye West has announced that he will make his literary debut early next year with a book titled "Thank You and You're Welcome."
The rapper/producer describes his work as an "entertaining volume of 'Kanye-isms' -- the creative, humorous and insightful philosophies and anecdotes used in creating my path to success. It captures the same wit, playful irony and piercing insight found abundant in my lyrics."
Co-authored by Sakiya Sandifer, the book will be available for $10 and pre-orders are currently being filled via his Web site, www.kanyeunivercity.com.
"In 'Thank You And You're Welcome!' I deliver my personal message uncensored, without any five-second delay or media distortion," wrote West on his blog.
The artist's mother, Dr. Donda West, released a book titled "Raising Kanye: Life Lessons From The Mother of A Hip Hop Superstar," which reflects on the things she's learned by being his mother.
KELIS DROPPED FROM JIVE RECORDS: Singer forced to take her milkshake elsewhere.
*It's over for Kelis and Jive Records. Entertainment Weekly is reporting that the eclectic chanteuse has been dropped from her contract amid sluggish album sales.
The singer, who is married to rap artist Nas, released two albums for Jive: 2003's "Tasty," which spawned the hit "Milkshake" and sold 533,000 copies in the United States, according to Nielsen Soundscan; and last year's "Kelis Was Here," which had numerous release date changes and has moved only 157,000 to date.
Kelis' manager told EW that she's currently working on an independent dance album with Cee-Lo, the former Goodie Mob member who gained international attention as one half of the duo Gnarls Barkley.
Kelis is also shopping a pop album helmed by songwriter Guy Chambers, who co-wrote hits like "Angel" for Robbie Williams. In the meantime, she is in talks to host a "Project Runway"-esque show for VH1 and is auditioning for various film and TV roles, reports Billboard.com.
GENARLOW WILSON OPENS UP TO ESSENCE.COM: Newly-freed 21-year-old discusses case that nearly sent him away for 10 years.
*Essence.com has the first print interview with 21-year-old Genarlow Wilson since his release from prison on Friday.
In 2003, the then 17-year-old was videotaped receiving consensual oral sex from a 15-year-old girl. He was charged with child molestation under a Georgia law that made having oral sex with anyone under 16 a felony.
Refusing to take a plea deal and be branded a sex offender for life, the honor student and star athlete was sentenced to ten-years behind bars.
Wilson served nearly two years of the sentence before it was overturned Friday by the Georgia Supreme Court, which ruled 4-3 that it was cruel and unusual punishment.
Essence.com spoke exclusively to Wilson about the teen sex scandal that started it all, his time in prison and what he plans to do for the rest of his life.
On how he found out he was going to be released:
• “Someone said it on the radio. And I actually couldn’t believe it, though, because in June, I went through something similar when the courts ruled in my favor and my release was blocked because the State appealed. So I was like, ‘I’ll believe it when I see it.’ Then I was escorted up to the warden’s office, and he told me the Supreme Court had ruled in my favor. We were just waiting to hear from my attorney, and then they gave me the news that the State wasn’t going to appeal and that I would be released.”
On why he’s not bitter:
• “I can’t let my frustrations get the best of me. It’s not going to make matters any easier for me. Either way it goes, it’s still going to be hard for me. But now I get to start over. It’s a new beginning, and I’m looking forward to it. I’ve turned all the negative energy into something positive.”
On that fateful night:
• “I know that the decisions I made were not the best ones, and I did stuff that I probably shouldn’t have done that night. But I can’t go back and change anything, and for the most part I recognize my mistake.”
Read more exclusively on Essence.com. Also look for more from this Genarlow Wilson interview in the January issue of Essence along with exclusive photographs.
MARIO VAN PEEBLES TO DIRECT HIS OWN SCI-FI FILM: Director's screenplay follows a man who travels back from the future to save the planet.
*Mario Van Peebles will direct his science-fiction screenplay "The Uniter," which follows a political fugitive who escapes from the future back to the present to teach a 13-year-old how to use his powers to unite the warring factions of the world before it's too late for planet Earth.
Van Peebles has been working on the story for about six years, reports Variety. The idea was inspired by a combination of his travels in India and the mythology of the Aztec calendar terminating in 2012.
The actor/director is helming and producing "Uniter" through his MVP Films. He is also directing and producing the documentary "Bring Your A Game," which follows the educational crisis in America and its relationship to the penal system.
Van Peebles, the son of veteran director Melvin Van Peebles, also recently helmed two episodes of FX's "Damages."
IDRIS ELBA MAY SIGN PINKETT SMITH'S 'CONTRACT': Actor says he's in talks to play the lead in Jada's directorial debut.
*Blackfilm.com is reporting that Idris Elba is in negotiations to topline Jada Pinkett Smith's directorial and screenwriting debut, "The Human Contract."
The actor would play Julian Wright, a charming and prosperous businessman who hides a secret from the rest of the world which tears his soul apart every day. As his personal life falls apart, he meets Michael Reed, a gorgeous stranger who entices Julian to forget his rigid corporate world and try a more bohemian lifestyle, a decision that will not only affect his own life but those of his boss and co-workers. The move also inspires his half-sister, Rita, to re-examine her life with an abusive husband.
Jada Pinkett Smith's husband, actor Will Smith, is producing the film under his Overbrook Entertainment shingle along with partner James Lassiter.
Elba divulged the news of his possible signing during interviews for his upcoming film, "This Christmas," a drama that centers around the Whitfield family and their first holiday together in four years.
'GET YOUR MONEY RIGHT' TOUR ENDS IN ATL: Dupri, T-Pain, Luckett and others join HSAN's final stop this weekend at Morris Brown College.
*The Hip-Hop Summit Action Network (HSAN)'s final stop on the "Get Your Money Right" financial empowerment tour takes place Nov. 3 in Atlanta at Morris Brown College's John Lewis Gymnasium (643 Martin Luther King, Jr.
Dr.).
Joining HSAN Co-Chairmen Russell Simmons and Dr. Benjamin Chavis will be Georgia's own Jermaine Dupri and Yung Joc, R&B star LeToya Luckett, hip-hop artists T-Pain, Cassidy, Young Berg, Belly and Huey, producer Bryan-Michael Cox, video director Lil X and Chrysler Financial's Keith Myricks, Monique Tate and Sauna Witherspoon. Television personality, Free, will co-moderate the Summit with HSAN CEO/President Dr. Chavis.
Simmons emphasized: "The Atlanta Hip-Hop Summit will be another milestone as it will mark our 71st Hip-Hop Summit. We have been able to witness over and over again a tremendous gathering where the best of hip-hop is met with the best of financial literacy. 'Get Your Money Right' is an essential step toward getting your life right. This is exactly what hip-hop is authentically about and that is empowerment."
The program takes place from 1:30-3:30 p.m. Doors open at noon.
Tickets for the Atlanta Summit are free and available at www.hsan.org.
THIRD MAN ACCEPTS PLEA DEAL IN O.J. CASE: Michael McClinton to plead guilty to reduced charges.
*A third man has decided to take a plea deal and testify against O.J. Simpson and two other men accused of confronting two sports memorabilia dealers in a Las Vegas hotel room.
Michael McClinton, 49, of Las Vegas, told Justice of the Peace Joe M.
Bonaventure he will plead guilty to robbery and conspiracy to commit robbery. He could receive probation or up to 11 years in prison.
According to police reports, McClinton brought two guns at Simpson's request to a Sept. 13 confrontation with collectibles dealers Bruce Fromong and Alfred Beardsley. McClinton wielded one gun and acted like a police officer, according to others in the hotel room.
McClinton's testimony would go against Simpson's claim that no guns were involved when he went to retrieve items he said belonged to him.
Simpson and co-defendants Clarence Stewart and Charles Ehrlich face
12 criminal charges, including kidnapping, armed robbery, assault with a deadly weapon, conspiracy and coercion, and one gross misdemeanor, conspiracy to commit a crime. A kidnapping conviction alone could result in a sentence of life in prison with parole.
Charles Cashmore and Walter Alexander have pleaded guilty to reduced charges and agreed to testify against the three men.
IS EDDIE MURPHY'S EX DATING LISARAYE'S HUSBAND?: NY Daily News says the two attended an event; rep for actress says there's nothing going on.
*The New York Daily News is reporting that LisaRaye's husband, Turks and Caicos premier Michael Misick, attended the opening of the Mediterranean Village at Sandals' Grande Antigua resort with none other than Nicole Murphy, the ex-wife of film star Eddie Murphy.
According to Page Six, Nicole is a mutual friend of the couple, however the two were "thisclose" at the opening event, which LisaRaye did not attend.
"Our spies say the premier's bodyguard made sure there were no photos taken of the two," Page Six reported. "And he did a great job: neither WireImage, the event's official photographer, nor 'Access Hollywood,' who did a segment on the launch, mentioned either of them being there."
Page Six also said spies caught Michael Misick and Nicole Murphy being "especially chummy" on Friday, Oct. 5, during a party at the Cricketer's Arms, a pub on the property. According to the report, "friendly kisses were exchanged" between the two.
"It's funny - if you didn't know better, you would have thought they were together," a source on the island told Page Six.
A rep for LisaRaye told the newspaper: "Nicole is a good friend, and she and Michael were both there for an event but not together."
CIARA'S BIRTHDAY PARTY RUN BY MISSY ELLIOTT?: Two different papers say Misdemeanor was barking orders the entire evening.
*Singer Ciara celebrated her 22nd birthday in New York recently – and according to two different reports, she was under the complete control of her mentor, producer Missy Elliott, the entire evening.
According to the New York Daily News, Missy "decided which birthday presents Ciara should unwrap first, and the R&B star happily did what she was told. She got a diamond tennis bracelet and a little laptop, while Missy, the highest-selling female rapper of all time, wasn't above cleaning up the wrapping."
The New York Post said of Thursday's bash at Nikki Beach Midtown:
"Elliot also made sure her pal had everything she wanted, ordering shot after shot and convincing the club's staff to make a late-night run to pick up chicken wings for the party."
ONE OF DEM FRANCHIZE BOYZ ARRESTED FOR DUI: 'Pimpin' fails field sobriety test after cops stop him for speeding.
*Jamal Willingham, known to the "106 & Park" crowd as Pimpin from the rap group Dem Franchize Boyz, was arrested Monday night for DUI following a traffic stop in Atlanta.
According to allhiphop.com, College Park Police pulled over Willingham after they saw him speeding on I-285. After administering a field sobriety test, police saw enough evidence to arrest him for driving while under the influence.
He was booked on charges of DUI, littering and speeding. The rapper was released on bond.
Dem Franchize Boyz, which also includes Maurice "Parlae" Gleaton and Bernard "Jizzal Man" Leverette, are best known for their monster dance anthem "Lean Wit It, Rock Wit It," as well as "Oh I Think They Like Me" and "White Tee."
STEVIE WONDER ADDS DATES TO FALL TOUR: Performer in the midst of his first North American outing in 12 years.
*Stevie Wonder has expanded his fall tour of North America, adding stops in Toronto; Charlotte, NC; Raleigh, NC; Nashville; and Houston, as well as two nights in Uncasville, CT. [See full itinerary below.]
The Motown legend launched his tour last week in Montreal and followed with a two-night stand in Atlantic City. Promoter Live Nation says his Nov. 17 show at New York City's Madison Square Garden is already sold out. Tonight, he is in Washington D.C. for a concert at the Verizon Center.
As previously reported, Wonder's rare tour was inspired by his mother, Lula Mae Hardaway, who passed away last year. The singer/songwriter is also working on an album, "The Gospel Inspired by Lula," which he hopes to have ready by January to honor his mother's birthday, according to Billboard.
October 2007
30 - Washington, DC - Verizon Center
November 2007
1 - Atlanta, GA - Philips Arena
6 - Cleveland, OH - Quicken Loans Arena
8 - Philadelphia, PA - Wachovia Center
9 - Pittsburgh, PA - Mellon Arena
12 - Toronto, Ontario - Air Canada Centre 14, 16 - Uncasville, CT - Mohegan Sun Arena
17 - New York, NY - Madison Square Garden
28 - Charlotte, NC - Charlotte Bobcats Arena
29 - Raleigh, NC - RBC Center
December 2007
1 - Nashville, TN - Sommet Center
4 - Houston, TX - Toyota Center
SHARPTON COMMENTS ON CHENEY'S LATEST HUNTING TRIP: Vice Prez chose gun club that hangs Confederate Flag. Rev calls on him to leave.
*Rev. Al Sharpton's National Action Network has released a statement calling on Vice President Dick Cheney to leave his hunting trip at a gun club in New York because of its decision to hang a flag viewed as offensive to African Americans.
Sharpton said: It has been reported to us by media on the site that Vice President Dick Cheney is duck and pheasant hunting in Dutchess County at the Clove Valley Rod & Gun Club outside of Lagrangeville in Union Vale, New York, and there is a Confederate Flag hanging at the club.
I am calling on Vice President Cheney to leave immediately and denounce the club and apologize for going to a club that represents lynching, hate, and murder to black people.
In this age of Jena and hangmen nooses all over the country, for the Vice President to relax under the flag of the hangmen nooses is an unpardonable insult to all Americans, particularly Blacks. He ought to leave immediately, call for the flag to be brought down at once, and apologize for being connected to an institution that would be insensitive enough to fly it in the first place.
What is interesting to me is that this is not even in the South that it is flying. The club owners must identify with the philosophy of the Confederacy because they can’t say that they are a historic club that 200 years ago was a part of the Confederacy since New York was never a confederate state.
If Cheney does not leave, I will bring a delegation of clergy to lead a prayer vigil in the immediate future.
OFFICIAL 'AMERICAN GANGSTER' SOUNDTRACK DUE NOV. 6: Album features Womack, Hooker, Sam & Dave, Staple Singers, P.E. and Anthony Hamilton.
*The soundtrack to Denzel Washington's new film "American Gangster"
arrives in stores a week from today with classic blues, R&B and hip hop tracks from such artists as Lowell Fulson, John Lee Hooker, Bobby Womack, Sam & Dave, the Staple Singers, and Public Enemy.
The album also includes “Do You Feel Me,” a Diane Warren-composed single from contemporary R&B artist Anthony Hamilton. [View video here:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=7ErJKRd7hfQ.] The song will serve as the soundtrack's first single.
Longtime Public Enemy producer Hank Shocklee has contributed to four tracks on the album, including the Hamilton's "Do You Feel Me" and "Stone Cold."
The final album track listing is as follows:
1). Do You Feel Me (Anthony Hamilton)
2). Why Don’t We Do It In The Road? (Lowell Fulson) 3). No Shoes (John Lee Hooker) 4). Across 110th Street (Bobby Womack) 5). Stone, Cold (Anthony Hamilton) 6). Hold On I’m Comin’ (Sam & Dave) 7). I’ll Take You There (the Staple Singers) 8). Can’t Truss It (Public Enemy) 9). Checkin’ Up On My Baby (Hank Shocklee) 10). Club Jam (Hank Shocklee) 11). Railroad (Hank Shocklee) 12). Nicky Barnes (Hank Shocklee) 13). Hundred Percent Pure (Marc Streitenfeld) 14). Frank Lucas (Marc Streitenfeld).
ITTY BITTY BITS: Cuba at 'War'; Ne-Yo 'Apologizes'; Warwick heckled; J-Hud and a Jet?; Osse named Ad Legend.
*Cuba Gooding Jr. has been cast in the indie action thriller, "The Way of War," playing a paramilitary operative who goes on a rampage after discovering a war conspiracy, reports Reuters. Principal photography begins this week in Baton Rouge, La.
In the meantime, Gooding returns to theaters Friday in "American Gangster,"
his fourth release of the year following "Norbit," "Daddy Day Camp" and "What Love Is."
*R&B singer Ne-Yo celebrated his birthday at New York's Southern Hospitality by serenading his date with the Timbaland/One Republic hit song "Apologize," reports the New York Daily News. According to the paper, "a bevy of females at a nearby table stared, starry-eyed, and proceeded to clap when he finished. Ne-Yo and his leggy lass feasted on BBQ chicken and Coors Light."
*Dionne Warwick performed Wednesday night before a packed crowd at B.B. King's in New York, but was heckled by someone in the crowd after a screech of microphone feedback. According to the New York Daily News, the person yelled: "Maybe that's a message from your psychic friend!" Witnesses said Warwick silenced the room for a good 20 seconds "with a look of death on her face" and deadpanned, "There's one in every crowd."
*Has Jennifer Hudson dropped her longtime boyfriend for an NFL player? According to the New York Daily News, the "American Idol"
finalist-turned-Oscar winner was getting cozy with New York Jets free safety Kerri Rhodes Thursday at the Fashion Group International's Night of Star's gala at Cipriani. Referring to the baller as "her new man," the Daily News
said: "He followed right behind her in a separate car, but when they were inside they were holding hands all night and taking trips to the bathroom together."
*The ADCOLOR Industry Coalition and Burrell Communications Group has announced that McGhee Williams Osse, Co-CEO of Burrell Communications Group, will be named an Ad Legend as part of the 2007 ADCOLOR Awards. The awards program will honor outstanding diverse professionals at various levels in each segment of the advertising, marketing and media industries. Osse, a twenty-year veteran and champion for the $800 billion dollar African-American consumer market has demonstrated legendary leadership and communications expertise across a number of national brands such as Verizon, Coca-Cola USA, Adidas and Procter & Gamble. Burrell has been recognized three-years running for outstanding ad campaigns targeted to the African-American market. The awards show will be held at the ANA Multicultural Marketing Conference on November 4, 2007 in Boca Raton, Florida.
EUR FILM REVIEW: Black Irish
Drama Chronicles Coming-of-Age of 16 Year-Old inside Dysfunctional Boston Family
Film Review by Kam Williams
*16 year-old Cole McKay (Michael Angarano) is a kid with a lot of promise. Not only is he an academic standout at his Catholic prep school in Boston, but he's also planning for the priesthood.
Plus, he's a pitcher on the baseball team and dreaming of playing in the state championships.
But all of the above is about to be derailed due to the deteriorating state of the dysfunctional family he's stuck with.
For his folks are Black Irish, the designation commonly applied to those of his lineage with lower-class roots generally associated with drinking, fighting and underachieving.
Cole's siblings could easily serve as the poster children for white trash, given that his teenage sister, Kathleen (Emily VanCamp) is knocked-up and clueless, while his big brother, Terry (Tom Guiry) is a ne'er-do-well with a drug habit and a rap sheet. And Cole's parents aren't much better. His sickly father, Desmond (Brendan Gleeson), is an emotionally-unavailable alcoholic stuck in a loveless marriage to his disciplinarian mother, Margaret (Melissa Leo). As the film unfolds, we find pro-life mom ranting about how "No child of mine is going to have an abortion." This translates into Kathleen's having to disappear to a convent before she shows so as not to bring any further dishonor upon the McCay name.
Sadistic Terry is the type of sibling who beats up his little brother in public for borrowing a pair of pants without asking. In fact, he's not above making Cole taking them off on the spot. Talk about embarrassing the family!
Such cringe-inducing antics are par for the course during Black Irish, a drismal drama rather reminiscent of Angela's Ashes, especially in terms of maintaining a relentlessly pessimistic and morose tone. The big difference is that this smaller story stays put in Southie com[pared to that grand saga which ventured across the pond to the Emerald Isle. And, more importantly, this coming-of-age tale does ultimately offer a glimmer of hope.
Cole's ashes.
Good (2 stars)
Rated R for profanity and brief violence.
Running time: 93 minutes
Studi Anywhere Road Entertainment
EUR FILM REVIEW: The Darjeeling Limited
Estranged Siblings Seek Peace and Reconciliation during Spiritual Quest across the Subcontinent
Film Review by Kam Williams
*The Whitman brothers haven't spoken to each other since their dad died about a year ago. That isn't much of a surprise, given the sibling rivalry which prevents them from finding any harmony whenever they're together anyway.
The tension emanates from a deep-seated dysfunction which has the eldest, control freak Francis (Owen Wilson), always dominating Peter (Adrien Brody) and Jack (Jason Schwartzman) and treating them like children.
So, of course, it would be Francis who's now orchestrating every detail of their joint sojourn across India in search of spiritual enlightenment, a trek simultaneously designed to function as a bonding opportunity. Each planned port of call has been printed out by Francis' able assistant Brendan (Wallace Wolodarsky) on laminated sheets which set out exactly what benefits to expect, thus taking a consumer's materialistic approach to the contemplated metaphysical experiences.
The proverbial ugly Americans' goal is to settle their differences and find themselves while traveling across the subcontinent's desert aboard the Darjeeling Limited, a train outfitted with little in the way of modern amenities, the "first class" accommodations notwithstanding. Achieving peace of mind proves to be no mean feat, however, given that each of the brothers is damaged goods and currently in emotional crisis.
Heavily-bandaged Francis has barely survived a motorcycle crash. Peter's wife is seven and a half months pregnant, yet he's not even sure he's ready to be a parent. And heartbroken Jack can't get over having been dumped by his game-playing girlfriend (Natalie Portman) in Paris. Besides spending quality time with each other, the Whitmans also want to track down their Born Again mother who has changed her name to Sister Patricia (Anjelica Huston) and lives in a convent in the foothills of the Himalayas. They need to know why she refused to attend their father's funeral.
But getting there is all the fun in The Darjeeling Limited, the latest quirky character-driven dramedy coming courtesy of Wes Anderson. The film is the droll director's best since Rushmore, as he has again perfected that trademark, wry sense of humor.
It helps immeasurably that Anderson depends on the services of the cinematic equivalent of a theater company, as he enjoys collaborating with a pool of regulars he's worked with before. Among the actors here who've appeared in his prior productions are Owen Wilson, Jason Schwartzman, Bill Murray, Anjelica Huston, Wallace Wolodarsky, Waris Ahluwalia and Kumar Pallana. The upshot is that this seasoned ensemble was able to execute the director's vision with an enviable aplomb.
The Darjeeling Limited is that rare cerebral comedy which offers sophisticates a refreshing alternative to the brainless bodily-function fare which has come to typify the genre. Beside all the sidesplitting badinage, this frenetically-paced adventure is an endlessly-arresting visual treat as well, offsetting its array of colorful support players with a bounty of breathtaking panoramic backdrops. The jewel in Wes Anderson's crown.
PS: Don't be late, for The Darjeeling Limited is being paired with an illuminating, 13-minute prequel entitled Hotel Chevalier which, in essence, deconstructs Jack and his ex's failed relationship.
Excellent (4 stars)
Rated R for profanity.
Running time: 91 minutes
Studi Fox Searchlight Pictures
STEVEN IVORY: Love, Nonetheless
*She blows into the kitchen through the garage entrance and looks to the clock on the stove for mercy. There is none. It is 6:17 P.M. Already.
Tossing her handbag and keys onto the kitchen table, she pours a glass of merlot, grabs the half eaten box of Godiva chocolates off the counter and takes out of the fridge a small plastic bag of pink rose buds.
Hurriedly, she makes her way through the living room and down the hall toward the bathroom, managing to unbutton her business suit jacket, kicking off her pumps.
In the bathroom, she places the wine and chocolate tub side. She starts bath water, adds bubble bath beads and lights candles on the window sill.
In the bedroom, she finishes undressing, lights incense and more candles, pulls back the bedspread, blanket and top sheet and sprinkles rose buds atop the linen of her king sized canopy bed.
She presses PLAY on her bedroom CD player. "Saayyy you love me," begins D.J. Rogers. She is anxious for 8:00 P.M.
In the bathroom, she turns off the water, lowers herself into the warm, soothing solution. The day's anxieties evaporate. She takes a sip of wine and sighs.
And then she begins to cry.
Because never in her life has she felt like this. That she happened to pick up the phone the day a certain attorney called her Los Angeles realty office from Kansas City looking for her boss, she believes, was kismet.
She, 39, single and childless, was entranced with his sexy voice and down home charm. He, a divorced 42 year-old with no kids, living in Kansas' Johnson County, was taken by the Realtor's cordial fearlessness--her willingness to talk put him at ease--and her unmitigated loathe of the Lakers.
That evening he called her again at her home and they spoke ten hours straight. Photographs were dispatched. Three weeks later, they made love. She'd never had sex this way--so passionate, wickedly intense and uncompromisingly perverted. And, she'd never had an orgasm. However, with this sensitive, assertive and imaginative man, she quaked in waves.
Like two horny teenagers, they had sex everywhere--their offices; the parking lot of the Johnson County Police Department; in the back of a Los Angeles Airport shuttle bus.
Two years later, the relationship flourishes. For the first time in her adult life, she feels alive. The dysfunctional, two-month "relationships," the spirit-breaking loneliness--it was all a torturous rite of passage to this man's unwavering love.
Her friends exist in two columns: Those who tell her she's crazy and those don't tell her she's crazy but think it.
They don't understand. This is a partnership of respect, inspiration and silliness. Paramount, there is communication, open and sincere. Everything her friends crave in their own relationships.
It's not perfection. The quarrels can be fierce. And, forever looming is the fact that she knows he wants...more.
They have never encountered one another physically. Ever. Never seen each other in person.
He longs to feel her, wake up next to her, know her scent beyond the fragrances he sends her.
She wants to taste those lips she studies in his photos; wants them to shop together; to spoon in bed at night.
But she is afraid. Fearful that in person she will ultimately do or say something that will ruin everything, and this mighty love will fade into her graveyard of broken dreams. Hence, by her ambiguity, this great love exists entirely by phone, email and post.
Initially, it was just naughty intrigue. With no physical contact, the messiest part of the experience, she once mischievously confided to her girlfriend, would be her panties after late night calls.
But it has become true love.
Thus, tonight, by 9:00 P.M., after their usual domestic banter, the dance begins. "I believe in love because of you," Leon Ware croons in the background as she writhes among those pink rose pedals.
Eventually, there is the boisterous, violent climax of his gasps and her screams. There are profound, tearful declarations of love and gratefulness. And euphoric laughter. Sporadic, somnolent conversation yields to a sultry silence--pierced, finally, by snoring.
She smiles, wishes a kiss onto the forehead of the man she loves in another time zone and quietly hangs up the phone.
Steven Ivory's book, FOOL IN LOVE (Touchstone/Simon & Schuster) is in stores now or at Amazon.com (www.Amazon.com) Respond to him via STEVRIVORY@AOL.COM or MYfeedback@eurweb.com
THE BRIDGE: You Must Learn!
By Darryl James
*The law requires a certain amount of education for all of us. Some of us choose to stop the education process at a certain age, while others of us choose to attain higher levels of knowledge and understanding.
Our attainment of education or skill sets is typically directly related to the career we choose. We know that even for a trade, certain skill sets are required before earning a decent living.
But how many of us take the same approach to our love lives? For example--how many of you have been to a relationship coach? The point is not for me to hawk business for my relationship coaching line, but to illustrate how we will take classes and acquire education to advance in our careers, but assume that we need nothing for our love lives, even if we are failing miserably.
Let’s take a look at two prime examples:
Tony was an All-American sports hero, demonstrating winning tendencies as early as middle school. He moved from college to professional ball, never letting the team down, leading them to victory four years in a row. His skills acquired for the game were sharp, so he used those same skills in his relationship. For him, it was about winning at all costs, and when his team member (his girlfriend) wouldn't follow him, he focused on the win anyway. He was a winner, but sadly, he lost his love.
Gina was a vice president in the company that recruited her right out of her Ivy League College. The division of the company she led had a winning year and sales were through the roof. Her skills required for leading a sales team and negotiating with clients were sharp, so she used those same skills in her relationship. For her, it was about management of human resources and toeing the hard line to focus on the bottom line, so when her subordinate (her boyfriend) would not follow the plan she laid out for them, she kept her eyes on her goals anyway. She reached her goals, but sadly, she could no longer reach her love.
We learn things as we grow that are good in our careers and in many other places, but are actually bad in relationships.
For example, men learn in sports that if we play hard enough, we get our time to shine. We learn that being hard or even a little rough can get us through a tough place. However, in relationships, you may put in work that goes without notice. It's still necessary--even crucial--but it's not about the shine. You also learn that even the women who talk about wanting a man with a little "thug" in him, really don't--they want a balanced human being.
For women, the world may teach you that you have to tuck in some of your softness in order to be taken seriously. You can't expose your feelings at work and in many cases, you learn to cry in solitude. However, in a relationship, a man will view you as strange if you aren't as expressive as he wishes he could be. Even those of us who are emotionally retarded seek more emotionally stable sisters in hopes of passing emotional stability on to our children.
The result of suppressing emotions is also a failure in communication. While the stereotype of men as non-expressive is historic and popular, more women are failing to develop emotionally expressive interpersonal communication or worse, learning to avoid communication altogether.
We also have to let go of things that may sound good, but really make no sense in practice. For example, when I hear men talk about wanting a woman who can cook and clean, I already know what lies underneath. There is something to be said for a nurturing woman, but any of us can cook for ourselves.
What is really desired is a woman who will nurture by nature, demonstrating the behavior of nesting in preparation for a family. However, if both parties are working, the cooking and cleaning duties may have to be shared or even farmed out to domestic assistance personnel. That does not necessarily diminish or define the woman's nurturing capacity.
It may also sound good when a woman talks about having a "traditional" man. Now, there is something to be said about a man who can be the sole provider for his family, but that is not the majority of our tradition, and it isn't really our nature. As African history goes, our ancestors were partners in building families and villages--that tradition was carried even into the last century.
What is really desired is a man who is able to be the strength of the family unit and able to take the lead. However, in today's corporate environment, women are learning to be leaders and taking those leadership skills into relationships where they may still expect men to be leaders, but only based upon the woman’s definition and allowances.
In college and on the job, we learn that if we make certain moves or achievements, we will be rewarded. We learn coping skills for functioning within an environment established for white men, when we are not white, and some of us are not men.
The workplace is a manufactured mini-society, but because humans are present, some of us believe it is part of the real world, and carry over socialization from that fake world into our personal lives. What we fail to realize is that socialization and politics can be vastly different from company to company. The relaxed dress code and friendly environment of Silicon Valley is starkly divergent from the more stringent dress code and more detached and impersonal environment of a law office or an investment banking firm.
A writer or other freelance artisan has less structure in his or her life than an entrepreneur who still has to work in an office, often even managing a number of people in a similar fashion to management in the workplace.
The end result may be two people with divergent acquired skill sets, who do little or nothing to enhance their social behavior or social skills.
We no longer have the socialization of yesteryear, when family members would act as matchmakers in addition to passing on valuable information about getting along in relationships. We simply walk into a world where most of us are making it up as we go along.
No matter how successful we are at what we do for a living, we still have to acquire specialized skill sets for dealing with other human beings.
For example, in relationships, we must learn to open ourselves, showing and sharing, negotiating for the greater good of someone else, in order to build mutual trust and the walk of love outside of the feeling of love itself. We must identify the things that make sense for other people and enhance them, while identifying the things that are not very good so that we can diminish them. We have to focus on someone else and sometimes take a loss in order to really win--subjecting ourselves to things we may not like for people we may love.
We must learn that the relationship is not public, but very private, requiring us to close the door and leave the rest of the world outside.
We must learn to communicate and compromise with our mates, so that we can provide each other with respite from the stress of the world, as opposed to maintaining the same attitude and approach from work when we love.
We must leave our politics, the opinions of our friends and family, as well as much of what we learn in our professions once we find someone to love.
We've learned how to achieve and maintain valuable skills on our jobs. We must learn different skills for relationships, including love relationships, family relationships and socializing in general.
Darryl James is an award-winning author who is now a filmmaker. His first mini-movie, "Crack," was released in March of 2006. He is currently filming a full length documentary. James’ latest book, "Bridging The Black Gender Gap," is the basis of his lectures and seminars. Previous installments of this column can now be viewed at www.bridgecolumn.com. James can be reached at djames@theblackgendergap.com.
THE JOURNAL OF STEFFANIE RIVERS: Where Is the Love?
*Drug testing has become a reality in today’s society. If I apply for a job or participate in competitive sports speculation comes with the territory. But, as a teenager, the last thing I would have expected from my parents was for them to subject me to a drug test.
So when I learned that millions of parents are using home drug and alcohol testing kits on their children it makes me wonder where is the love and the trust.
Monitoring a child’s activities and friends are a must. As a parent you should know your child better than anyone. If she has given you a reason to suspect her of drug use, your actions might be justified. But parents who drug test their children without cause are at best discouraging creativity and at worst perpetuating a police state society.
It’s the same as when your spouse or significant other questions your fidelity at every turn; it puts a strain on the relationship.
I have no children of my own, which means some of you will stop reading right now. But I don’t have to be a mother to know that if a teenager has to second-guess every move she makes because she’s living under a microscope at home, it’s bound to alter her decision-making process.
While considering the negative impact a parent’s suspicious nature could have on a child, also consider that some of these drug tests give false positives. And that could leave you with the wrong impression of your teenager.
I don’t mean to infer that taking drugs is normal. But if your child has to pee in a cup, breathe into a tube or give a hair sample just to get into the house she probably feels uncomfortable being there or talking to you about anything. And you’ve already lost the battle.
Instead of spending money on do-it-yourself drug tests, spend more time with your children – which won’t cost you anything. If you’re too busy doing drugs yourself, as some people are, therein lies the problem. Lead by example. Believe it or not you are your child’s most influential role model.
Also, don’t just give them a ‘just say no’ speech. Show your children positive alternatives to drugs and alcohol early and often. They’ll be so involved with family, church and extra-curricular school activities they’ll be too busy (most of the time) to get into too much trouble.
Steffanie Rivers is a free-lance journalist living in the Washington, DC metro area. Send your comments and questions to teamtcbadvertising@hotmail.com .
BETWEEN THE LINES: The Concept of "Transferring Knowledge": African Americans Need This Now More Than Ever
Anthony Asadullah Samad
*The state of the African American community, in the national collective and in every locale in the country, is facing near crisis situations on every front: education, employment, business, health, public safety and I could go on and on. But the greatest crisis facing African Americans is in the area of leadership.
The black leadership crisis is so prevalent largely because the art of black advocacy leadership and advocacy leadership training has gone the way of the fight. You can't lead a fight if you don't know who you're fighting or what the fight is about. The advocates and activists of the 20th Century, those who came of age in the 1950s and 1960s, knew their opponent (in most cases), knew what the fight was about, and was prepared in their time to fight the good fight.
The 21st Century advocate/activist/leader, those who came of age in the mid-1970s and 1980s, don't know what this fight is about anymore. They don't know who their opponent is anymore. And they're not prepared to fight the fight of their generation. They are still fighting the last generation's fight-in the same way the last generation fought it, and they're losing.
It's time to acknowledge that we are "they" and they are "we" and while every other race is progressing, African Americans are regressing.
What is it that we don't know that others know. What is it that we're not doing, that others are doing? Why is it that we cannot stop the retrogression of black equality? A summit is being convened in Los Angeles between leaders of the past twenty-five years and emerging leaders of today to discuss the future of black advocacy and black leadership. In the first summit of its kind (that we're aware of), ever evasive topics like that of leadership succession, operational unity and intergenerational conflict will be taken to task.
Why is this necessary? Maybe because more of us, than not, see the trend of regression occurring on our watch and want some definition from those who have lived it. It will take all of us to find who we are now.
Maybe, we are looking for definition of ourselves in the role of leader, at a time when the term leader is so loosely thrown around. What is a "black leader" in the 21st Century? A politician? A preacher? A rapper? A musician? A civil rights spokesperson? People with opinions? People with newspapers?
People with money (and no conscience). Someone who shows up (conveniently) on television when someone sticks a mike in their face? More confusing than understanding what a new (or old) black leader is, is understanding where the battlefield is anymore. A fight for equality and social justice that was once as plain as black and white, is now multi-racial, multi-focal, class based, genderless and widespread against any group you choose to pick. What we do know is that we're up against something even the previous generation has never seen before. Maybe only one or two generations of African Americans have seen this type of radical social shift. It was in the Redemption Period that ended Reconstruction (1870-1896). We're witnessing a similar shift over the past twenty-five years (1980-2006). We're living in the second Redemption Period were the legislatures, the courts and the executive governments (state and federal) are unfriendly and are turning away from racial discourse.
One thing that is still consistent from previous times, however, is black people are still catching the worse of it. Racial animus is still highest toward African Americans, and such hostility breeds discriminations in the same ways that they always have. Only the pathways to resolving discriminations have changed dramatically. The courts are no longer a friend for the legally disenfranchised. Politics no longer produces social policy to remedy social injustice (or political injustice for that matter). The free market competition (capitalism) once thought of as a strategy to cure social ills, now magnifies social ills to the point where it seems unjust to be well to do in the face of so much poverty and despair. King called it almost 45 years ago "an air-tight box of smoldering poverty in the face of the most affluent nation in the history of the world." It's still just as air tight today.
We have to find a way to arrest the suffering of black people, and it can't be a secular discussion amongst segments or factions in our community. Previous generations of black leaders must tell us what they know before they transition because every time we lose a Rosa Parks, a John Henrik Clarke, an Asa Hillard, it's like a library of cultural enrichment burning down. The mistakes of the past must be analyzed and discussed, and lessons learnt must be advanced. November 16th at the Biltmore Hotel, it is time for generations of black wisdom and cultural knowledge be transferred for the benefit of future generations. It's a first step-but a huge step toward figuring out this new Jim Crow, the colorblindness that is taking us backward every day. For more information, or to register for the Knowledge Transfer Summit, visit www.knowledgetransfersummit.org.
Anthony Asadullah Samad, Ph.D., is a national columnist, managing director of the Urban Issues Forum (www.urbanissuesforum.com) and author of the new book, Saving The Race: Empowerment Through Wisdom. He can be reached at www.AnthonySamad.com
SURVIVING THE GHETTO WORK ENVIRONMENT: It's No Different Than Surviving the Ghetto Itself
Kevin Ross
*The other day, I was in a rush to make it to a meeting when I stopped off to pay my past due electric bill. It was just one of those things that you know you have to take care of but for some reason you wait until the last minute and it always ends up costing you more, then you have the nerve to complain about YOUR mistake (laugh), which opens the door for discussion of a very important theme.
Growing up in what I like to call the EPITOME of a ghetto taught me my survival skills and it also destroyed future opportunities for me. The Town Garden Apartments in Buffalo, New York is a place that I would have shock therapy to forget. I learned early on that the world was against me and every day was a fight for survival: personally, spiritually and physically. The minute you walked out the door, you were walking into a war zone and being friendly, kind or against the grain were grounds to be destroyed. I learned to have an edge with my personality that was intended to serve to protect, but would go on to harm me in future.
Many of us grew up the same way; we learned to always be on guard and to never express gratitude or kindness, as they are traits and signs of weaknesses in the ghetto. I say all that to say we have been mislead, lied to and bamboozled by our OWN thinking. Thinking this way will not only lead to, but will guarantee failure, frustration, cynicism and bitterness in the short term AND the long run.
Top 6 Rules of the Ghetto I learned in Buffal
1. Doing anything besides selling drugs, being a ho/stripper, in a gang, a pimp or doing jail time is unacceptable.
2. Success is only permissible as a rap artist and a football or basketball player who maintains his ghetto mentality, thug lifestyle, poor communication skills and who spends his money mostly on cars, jewelry, clothes and quality drugs, dogs and guns.
3. A college degree, high school diploma, volunteer work, job, eating salads, vegetables or fruits is completely unacceptable. As a ghettonian, you are only allowed to eat fried food loaded with saturated fat, pork, fatback, cereal, sweets and artery-clogging triple cheeseburgers and you have to be unemployed and live with your mother, grandmother or girlfriend after the age of 18.
4. A positive attitude, smiling or helping an old lady across the street is grounds for death.
5. If you are a success, you must keep cousin "I-was-Shot-10-Times," Jeuquisha, Aquarius, Dictionaria and Man Man as your management team handling and destroying all your business deals. Their goal has to be to drag you right back to the bottom of the barrel by helping you spend your money and advising you of all the people who are out to steal from you to take your attention off of them.
6. An added bonus is to get arrested WHILE you are a success. This ensures your ghetto dedication and retardation for giving up a Ritz Carlton hotel suite for a pissy smelling jail cell where you can live a secret lifestyle that you will oppose and speak out against when you are freed. Your acceptance as a true ghettonian is in your ability to be extremely negative, cynical and to give everything up in order to come back home to the wonderful ghetto lifestyle described above.
OK, the above might be a bit over the top, and I admit, I had a little too much fun with that, nonetheless....
I visited an urban radio station the other day for the first time in four years and while it was exciting for me to see black celebrities walking around, music and aspects of the industry that I have always loved, there were traces of that old familiar attitude that I so well recall as a kid growing up and my early days of working at the former mom and pop black stations. Black men looking at other black men suspiciously as they got off the elevator and black women going through the motions of having a source of income and a job (sans a "career") not smiling and bitter. There were certainly exceptions to the rule but the energy that prevails is the energy that sets the tone. The negative energy was strong. There will be people pissed at me for saying that but if you get pissed at me for saying it, it's most likely that you are one of these people. That "edge" immediately made me a bit tense and I felt compelled to turn on MY edge to assimilate within that environment. To say the least, none of us like to feel uncomfortable and when we have to become accustomed to these environments, there is personal hell to pay.
When I sat down to talk to these people, the brother was optimistic, had great communication skills and he was on-the-job politically savvy, the sister was a bit unfriendly, edgy and she tried to hide an element of bitterness that to her dismay came shining through her impatience, insecurity and physical appearance. I've also seen these same traits reversed in black males and females. Both were dissatisfied with the well-known corporation and they were both overworked and underpaid, which is a universal opinion in urban radio these days, but they both HANDLED it differently. He was optimistic and looking for ways to IMPROVE the situation by finding someone to work WITH the woman, she was set on finding a cushion for her frustration and she wanted someone who would be submissive to her authority, competitive and willing to work with demanding personalities and pacifying their needs (probably a source of HER unwanted frustration). She wanted to feel important by having unauthorized authority over someone else; he wanted someone who was willing to work WITH her.
I have to be honest with you, I was there interviewing for a position and after the interview, I was convinced I didn't want to work there. I IMMEDIATELY told myself, I've done this before and I'm above this. I'd really rather work flipping burgers and go to school at night to better myself, if I have to, before I deal with this type of negativity.
My entrepreneurial self-esteem had been injured over the last couple of years because I have been approaching potential advertisers, record and radio people about ads for my projects and ideas and I was consistently rejected. Perhaps not because of what I was offering but because the industry is at a standstill right now. Still, after a while, rejection can make you bitter, opinionated or cynical and you may start to question your effectiveness and ability. In comparison, if you are looking for sex and you continuously get rejected, eventually you learn to satisfy yourself (don't EVEN act like you don't know what I'm talking about).
Going to that interview, I had to stop and realize how powerful, intelligent and creative I already am. I asked myself, 'What the hell am I doing here?' I have just been doing the wrong thing and seeking the living amongst the DEAD. NEVER allow someone to have the power to make YOU questions yourself and your abilities. KNOW and BELIEVE in your strength and others will see it without you saying a word. We all have to do what we have to do sometimes but we don't have to think like everybody else. I know it's VERY hard but in the long run, it will save you from stress, fatigue and a possible early death.
Many of us feel locked in, tied down and unable to move in these situations. We get STUCK. The train is coming, we see it but we are unable to move from its destructive path. The same ghetto mentality that we grew up with becomes prevalent in the workforce and if you are not rolling out of bed with at least SOME joyful anticipation of the workday, you are living a slow and painful disease building death. I fully understand the power of negativity and at times, it seems even MORE powerful than positive energy and it is. It takes a LOT more effort to be mean, dark, bitter, angry and cynical than it does to show gratitude, love and kindness. Regardless of what your situation in urban radio or any job is you have to ask yourself, is it more important to stay down, or GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET UP? Perhaps it's time to surrender your self-defeating employment for something you REALLY want to do. I know, you say, and with good reason, 'I work so many damn hours and I'm so stressed out, I don't have time for anything else.' To a certain extent, that is true but to a larger extent, it isn't. There are always lunch breaks, evenings and weekends to utilize to train you or seek something else. Also keep in mind, the more you say yes, the more work you will be given. No matter how tired you are, a heart attack, stroke or death should not be on your list with this week's groceries. The first step, no matter
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