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JL KING NO LONGER ON 'THE DOWN LOW' (PT 1): But author/activist says black community is still holding his past against him.
After writing two books on the subject, King has written a new novel called “Love on a Two Way Street,” due out tomorrow, that expects to be just as intriguing.
But the author and speaker explained that the road to the fictional project (or is it fact?) has been a bumpy, yet helpful ride.
“They say be careful what you ask for because it can either be beautiful or it can be hell. I’ve had experience in both,” King said of “coming out” about his life a few years back. “Because I came forward and pulled back a cover of a behavior that’s been going around since the beginning of time, I then became the poster boy of that type of behavior, even though I came forward and said I’ve changed.”
King protested that even though he’s no longer on the down low, no longer one of those “brothers that lie to women,” he still can’t shake the title and the ridicule.
“I am one who wants to let people know that this type of behavior exists and it looks like me,” he said, “but the African American community did not let me change.”
King said that his wife has forgiven him, his children have forgiven him, and even the church has forgiven him – but the community as a whole has not.
“That’s not who I am anymore. People just refuse to allow me to change. For some reason, they got a rush out of being near or knowing Mr. Down Low,” he said.
King has since become an HIV/STD prevention activist, educator, and author and said that he does go into his Mr. Down Low personality as needed in those cases.
“Sometimes I’m Mr. Down Low because an organization or a health department or a group wants to see what it is to be around a person who lies about who he is,” he explained. “And then there are people that let me be this changed individual who had become an example of what other men who live on the double life should live their life and be honest with their women, and give their women a choice.”
One thing that has come out of his revelation to the world has been that he’s become an answer key in some cases too thousands of men and women who have concerns about the “down low” issue.
“About a month a go I probably received my 150,000th question from women asking me what are the signs of being on the down low. Wherever I go, whether I’m at a restaurant, a bar, or at church, women come up to me and say, ‘I want to know what are the signs. How can I tell?’ So I am in the studio right now putting together a two-hour DVD called ‘The Top 10 Down Low Signs and More.’”
King hopes the DVD will help women in particular recognize the signs of when their man is cheating, whether it be with men or women.
“And I’m hoping that that will ease the fear that a lot of our women are dealing with everyday,” he said and continued that he’s found that a number of women have fallen into an attitude of mistrust of black men, thanks in part to his books.
“They say, ‘Every black man is on the down low; every black man that came out of prison must be gay; every black man that spends time with his friends must be on the down low. Everything thing that brothers do, women are accusing them of being on the down low.”
Interestingly, King is also getting requests from men, too. He said that literally thousands of men plead with him to let sisters know that not all black men are on the down low.
“This has caused a lot of damage between men and women. It has caused a lot of unnecessary paranoia in the black community because of me coming forward and sitting with Oprah talking about my life,” he said.
But the paranoia may not be that unnecessary.
“At the same time, HIV is still running rampant,” King added. “The CDC says that the number one way is through heterosexual contact. There is still a lot to feed that fear.”
Still King assures his audiences that there is no need to be afraid of black men.
“This behavior impacts every ethnic group,” he said. “You have to be careful who you get to know. Don’t rush to go to bed with someone. Know their HIV status. Get to know them first. I tell a lot of young people when I do my HBCU tours that it’s ok to abstain from sex. You don’t have to be sexually active and you don’t need a man in your life. Learn to love yourself more and you’ll be ok.”
With the questions and suspicions, however, King said he doesn’t regret making his confession and talking about it to the world.
“I truly believe that God chose me to do this. There are thousands of men who could have told their story about being on the down low that could’ve created the same wave, but I believe that God chose me. I think that he used me and he saved me from being HIV positive and hurting my wife or anything more destructive than I did. Showed me that I could stand forward and be that poster boy and talk about my life,” he said.
King told EUR’s Lee Bailey that it’s important to him that women see him as someone who doesn’t “look” gay, but rather looks like their husbands and boyfriends. He believes that that teaches women to be responsible and not just “give up their bodies because of a look, a job, a title, or education.”
“That’s what I’ve been trying to do. Trying to let people know that that’s who I used to be, that’s not who I am today, that there are good brothers out there who are not lying and more importantly, it’s about behavior and going into healthy relationships.”
King’s “Top 10 Signs of Down Low Behavior” is available on July 29. Check his website at www.jlking.net.
More on JL King’s new novel is available in EUR’s JL King profile, part 2, here.
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