‘Surviving R Kelly’: Let Me Say This About That …

*First things first: If you need help or know someone who needs help, call the National Sexual Assault Hotline 800-656-HOPE. They answer 24 hours a day. OR contact Tarana Burke’s organization Girls for Gender Equity.

Like so many others, I was repulsed and disgusted, but mainly disappointed by the things R Kelly has done to so many young women. I’m not surprised at the range of responses, but I’m disappointed by that as well.

This behavior is not new, but has been allowed to fester because it has not been properly exposed. It happens every day in many households by family members and family friends. The usual response to the victim is, “Don’t say anything.” That’s why people don’t tell. Many of them withdraw and suffer in silence. That creates a cycle of abuse, and it spreads and festers and continues to poison generation after generation.

Some people are upset about the Lifetime docu-series saying that it’s just designed to destroy R Kelly or to make Black men look bad. Some question why there wasn’t a documentary about Elvis Presley, Woody Allen, or Catholic priests. If there had been a doc about them, then there would be complaints about ignoring Black victims of sexual abuse.

Most of us believed Dr. Christine Blasey Ford’s story of sexual assault. We saw through Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh’s unbelievable denials. We also saw what happened to her for coming forward.

Some people talk about Donald Trump supporters as being in a cult for believing anything he says, but some of those same people blindly follow R Kelly because he’s a musical genius. He is a musical genius, but he’s also a damaged human being who was abused and now he abuses—continuing the cycle of abuse.

We need consistency in our value system. One moment we’re appreciating Black Girl Magic, the next we’re blaming them for being victimized. We signed petitions and protested for the teen victim of sex trafficking Cyntoia Brown, but what if she had been one of R Kelly’s victims? Would we have protested for her then? Don’t immediately say yes because we didn’t rush to the defense of those Magical Black Girls that R Kelly victimized. We blamed their parents, we blamed them. Even in the “Me Too” era, the victims were blamed. Even though we understand the power imbalance between a naïve young girl and a superstar & his entourage of enablers, including the police.

R Kelly’s reckless behavior is a cry for help because he’s also a victim. He even told people he couldn’t help himself. He confesses in every song. He, and others like him, need help. But they also need to be punished. This vicious cycle needs to be broken, and it’s up to us. Shame on us if we don’t do better.